Law and Order: Snowy Village Unit
by MyLadyScribbler
Summary: A Law and Order-style Frozen parody. Arendelle is being terrorized by Jack Frost, the dreaded "serial chiller," who leaves victims encased in giant blocks of ice. It is up to Elsa, Anna and Kristoff (with a little help from Sven, Olaf and the Marshmallow Guy) to stop Jack and bring him to justice.
1. Cold (Very Cold) Open

All of Arendelle is in the grip of terror (and winter), as the "serial chiller" Jack Frost prowls the land.

On the "Law" side, we have senior detectives Anna and Kristoff, Sven (loyal companion and mode of transport) and a host of constables and guards. On the "Order" side, we have Crown Attorney (C.A.) Elsa, Olaf the court clerk, Kai the bailiff, and Marshmallow Guy (who makes all the L&O clong-clonging sound effects at each scene change).

Disclaimers, etc. I do not own Frozen; I couldn't even begin to afford to own Frozen. Law and Order (the original series and all the spinoffs) is the property of Dick Wolf.

 **Part the First: Cold (Very Cold) Open**

 _In the Arendelle justice system, the people…_

"And reindeer."

"Don't forget the snowmen!"

"Guys, let them finish?"

 _Are represented by two separate but equally important groups. The constables who investigate crimes, and the crown attorneys who prosecute…_

"Persecute? That's not very nice."

"No, Olaf, prosecute."

 _...the offenders. These are their stories._

(Clong-clong!)

 **Big Torvald's Deli and Smorgasbord, Arendelle Village, 8:15 AM**

"Brusi! Move it with that barrel of herrings or people are going to be eating frozen fish!" Torvald stamped around in the snow, shouting orders at his shop assistants. "Lars, get that ox cart out of the way – the bakery guy's going to be here any minute!"

"Sure, boss." Lars began leading the ox away.

"Bjorn! Get your tail out here and move those crates of lingonberries!" Torvald shouted. "Bjorn?" No answer. "Where is that idiot?"

"Uh, last I saw, boss, he was taking that barrel of lutefisk down to the basement," Brusi said.

"That was half an hour ago…grrr! I'll find him myself so I can fire him!" Torvald stormed around to the back alley and the basement door. "Bjorn! What in Thor's name are you up…to…"

Torvald's voice trailed off as he was met with the sight of a shattered lutefisk barrel. And beyond it…

"Guys! Call the constables!" Torvald yelled.

 **XXXX**

Kristoff pulled the sled up as close as possible to the deli, parked it and gave Sven a carrot. "Man, I hate getting a case like this on a Monday."

"You hate getting a case like this on any other day of the week." Anna hopped out of the sled and showed her badge to one of the constables. "Morning, Ragna, whatcha got for us?"

"Owner found him in the alleyway back behind the shop. C'mon back – but watch your step, there's lutefisk all over the place," Ragna said.

"So what does it look like so far?" Anna asked as she and Kristoff followed Ragna.

"It was obvious. He'd been iced," Ragna said.

"You mean someone killed him?" Kristoff asked.

"Nope. Iced." Ragna tilted her head toward the end of the alley.

A shop assistant with a very surprised look on his face stood there, completely encased in a giant block of ice.

"Ouch." Kristoff winced.

"Kid's name is Bjorn Bjornson. Started working here as a shop assistant six months ago," said Sigurd, one of the other constables. "Nice kid, no enemies, his co-workers say, but kinda slow on the uptake."

Kristoff began examining the ice. "Hmmm…this ice is fresh, sharp edges. This could have only happened a few minutes ago. Any witnesses?"

"Nope, Torvald kept us pretty busy," Lars shrugged. "No one knew something was up till he went looking for Bjorn."

Meanwhile, Anna was out questioning Torvald in front of the deli.

"Look, lady, I gotta business to run," Torvald said. "I can't keep my eyes out for every single weirdo that comes by. And are you guys going to be tying up my shop all morning?"

"This is an active investigation, Torvald, and we'll keep the scene cordoned off for as long as we need to," Anna said sternly.

"Eeesh, you cops are all the same," Torvald growled. And then a thought crossed his mind. "People getting frozen up in big blocks of ice. You sure it wasn't your sister the C.A. having a bad day again?"

"Hey! You leave my sister out of this!" Anna said.

"Anna, come here, you're going to want to see this!" Kristoff called.

Anna gave Torvald a piece of parchment with her contact information on it and ran back to join Kristoff. "What's up?"

"Here." Kristoff was pointing to something at the lower right corner of the ice block. Anna leaned in to see what it was.

A pair of initials, neatly carved in Gothic letters: J.F.

Anna groaned. "He's back…"

 **XXXX**

Do you approve, gentle readers? Then I shall try to provide more. Reviews welcome! (But be nice, it's my first Frozen fanfic.)


	2. All The Usual Suspects

So you liked Part the First? Well! Here's Part the Second!

 **Part the Second: All the Usual Suspects**

(Marshmallow Guy makes the "clong-clong" noise.)

 **Crown Attorney's Office, Arendelle Castle, 11:15 A.M.**

"It's just like the others, Elsa! Look. Goat herder taking the long way home." Anna threw a woodcut down on the desk. "Silversmith who heard a weird noise outside his shop after hours!"

"Thought it was a werewolf and he thought he was safe with all that silver," Kristoff said.

"And old Mr. Jorgenson, the herring seller." Another woodcut, with Jorgenson's surprised face in the block of ice etched in sharp relief, fluttered down onto the desk. Anna put her hands on her hips. "Three cases all in the last two weeks. Same thing. Big blocks of ice, all with J.F. carved on them. Who else could it be?"

"Who else could it be, indeed!" Elsa pushed back from the desk and stood up. She began pacing furiously around the room. "Jack's taunting us. He knows that it's glaringly obvious that he did all these freezings. And he slipped right through our fingers the last time!"

"Yeah, what happened with that again?" Kristoff asked.

"Ergh. Some argument that any one of the spirits of winter could be feeling vengeful, and that the J.F. was simply the work of a copycat." Elsa rolled her eyes.

"Special delivery!" Olaf came scooting through the door, a huge stack of files teetering in his arms. "Here ya go, Elsa, latest batch of briefs and appeals. Why do they call them appeals? Are they anything like apple peels or banana peels?"

"Yeah, thanks, Olaf, just park them on the desk," Elsa said.

"Whoa!" The files slid out of Olaf's arms and landed with a clatter, sending a snowstorm of paperwork fluttering into the air. "Sorry 'bout that." He ran around, scooping up papers and tossing them willy-nilly on the desk before scuttling out. "Oh, by the way, Elsa, Kai said to tell you that we've got a problem with the Skoleboller case!"

"We've always got a problem with the Skoleboller case! I'll talk to Kai later, okay?" Elsa called. She turned back to Anna and Kristoff and planted her palms on the desk. "Jack's been a menace to Arendelle. I'm not going to let this one go."

"Let it go…let it go…" someone in the hallway sang.

"Hey! No one's allowed to sing that song except me! And I'm getting sick of it!" Elsa shouted.

The singing in the hallway quickly stopped.

"So what do we do, sis?" Anna asked.

"The evidence is pretty solid, but the only way we're going to nail Jack is if we actually catch him in the act," Elsa said.

"Catch him in the act?" Kristoff frowned. "But how?"

"Start talking to all the informants, see where Jack's hanging out these days. And set up a stakeout," Elsa said.

Kristoff groaned, but Anna was cheerful. "You got it, Elsa," she said brightly. "We'll stay hot on the trail. We won't let it go cold."

"Let it go…let it go…"

"Shut up!" Elsa shouted.

 **XXXX**

Reviews welcome!


	3. Oaken Opines and the Trolls Talk

And we're back! Things kind of got carried away in March and April, but now I've finally got an update ready to go.

 **Part the Third: Oaken Opines and the Trolls Talk**

"Man, your sister's tightly wound today," Kristoff said as they left Elsa's office.

"Well, wouldn't you be if there was some crazed spirit going around turning people into giant ice cubes?" Anna said matter-of-factly.

"Good point." Kristoff shoved his hands into his coat pockets. "So now what?"

"What every good investigator does," Anna said. "We start beating the bushes."

"Beating the bushes?" Olaf said as he went walking by with another stack of briefs. "That's not very nice. What'd those poor little shrubs do to you?"

"No, Olaf, it's a figure of speech," Anna said. "It means we go around and start talking to people who might know something."

Kristoff scratched his head. "That's going to be tough. With Jack going around, a lot of people are going to keep their mouths shut."

Anna thought for a moment. "Wait a minute. Oaken might know something. He sees all kinds of people going by the trading post."

"You can go see him, but I'm still persona non grata after last time," Kristoff said. "Tell you what. I'll take Sven and we'll go see the trolls."

 **Wandering Oaken's Trading Post, 2 P.M.**

*Clong-clong*

Anna hitched her horse at the front of the trading post and poked her head in through the door. "Knock-knock," she called.

"Hoo-hoo!" Oaken called from the back. "I'll be there in a minute…oops!"

There was the sound of barrels clattering to the floor in the back of the shop. Oaken emerged through the door a few moments later. "Sorry about that, just a little whoopsy-daisy," he said. "So what can I do for you? We've got badminton sets, just on sale. And how about a nice vegetable peeler and slicer?" He gestured grandly to a bizarre mass of wooden gears and cogs on the counter.

"Thanks, Oaken, but not today." Anna put the woodcuts of Jack Frost, taken at his last arrest, down on the counter. "We're looking for this guy. Or anyone who knows anyone about him."

Oaken leaned over the woodcuts. "Hmm, hmm. Nope, haven't seen him before. I'd never forget him if he had."

"Okay. But has anyone come in talking about Jack Frost, or anything about freezing people where they stand?"

One of Oaken's kids, eight-year-old Lars, popped out from inside the candy barrel. "Some weird guy was in here last week. He was talking about some group of people called, um…oh, yeah! The Icicles!"

"The Icicles?" Anna asked.

"Yeah! And something about a meeting down in the village, at the Grumpy Goblin." Lars paused. "Oh, yeah, and he said something about how the silversmith had it coming."

"Wow." Anna scribbled something down on a piece of parchment. "This is good stuff. Thanks, guys!"

 **Valley of the Living Rock, Same Time**

*Clong-clong*

("Hey, Elsa, can you ask Marshmallow Guy to wear some bunny slippers when he makes that noise?" Olaf asked.)

"Kristoff, good to see you. It's been way too long," Bulda said cheerfully.

The trolls converged on Kristoff in a group hug and offered Sven springs of moss from the trees.

"C'mon, you're so busy fighting crime you can't spare a moment for family?" one of the uncles asked.

"Hey, Kristoff! Wanna see me do a handstand!" a troll child squealed.

"Yeah, I know, I missed you guys too." Kristoff extricated himself from the trolls' embrace. "Listen, we're working on the Jack Frost case, and…"

The trolls grew silent. "Pabs! This is your department!" one of the trolls yelled.

Pabbie rolled forward and unfolded into his troll form. "The spirits of winter are growing uneasy, now that the Rogue is running loose once again."

"The Rogue?"

"That is the name we have for him you call Jack Frost," Pabbie said solemnly. "He was one of the good spirits, but now he stands for all that is malevolent about the winter."

"But how can we stop him before he freezes someone else?" Kristoff said.

Pabbie leaned forward. "You started life among the ice harvesters," he said. "You can tell when the ice is angry, when it is frightened. And it grows even more so whenever Jack is near." He sat back. "Follow the trail of the angry ice, and you will find Jack Frost."

 **XXXX**

Reviews welcome!


	4. Hot on a Cold Trail

**Part the Fourth: Hot on a Cold Trail**

 _Somewhere behind the Grumpy Goblin, Arendelle Village, at a too-late hour._

*Clong-clong*

A chilly gray mist descended onto Arendelle as the night wore on.

The sled was parked in an alleyway between the blacksmith's shop and the livery stable. It had the advantage of giving Anna and Kristoff a clear view of the Grumpy Goblin's doors without being seen themselves, but the advantages ended there.

Anna, Kristoff and Olaf were intently watching the Goblin's doors. Or at least Anna was, through a pair of binoculars. Kristoff mostly shivered and complained about how long the stakeout was taking. And Olaf was dozing away in the back seat of the sled. Elsa had insisted he go with Anna and Kristoff, for reasons Kristoff was still trying to fathom.

Kristoff shivered and pulled the collar of his jacket up around his chin. "I hate stakeouts. And why do we never do them in the summer, when it's warm?"

"But we do stakeouts in the summer. And you complain that it gets too hot and humid," Anna retorted. "Besides, why are you complaining about cold? You're an expert on ice, for heaven's sake!"

"Can you guys hear me?" Elsa's voice asked before Kristoff could respond.

Anna reached into her pocket and took out a tiny hand mirror. "Loud and clear, sis," she said into the mirror. "Where are you?"

"I'm around the corner with a couple of guards. If you see something going down, the signal word is frostbite. Got it?"

"Got it. Over and out." Anna slipped the mirror back into her pocket. "There's someone going in now." She squinted through the binoculars. "Oh, but that's old Ragnvald the carter. No way he's one of them."

"What time are the Icicles supposed to show up?" Kristoff asked.

"Half past nine, Oaken's kids said," Anna said, casting a glance at the village clock.

"I still feel like we're on a wild goose chase."

Olaf popped up from where he'd been napping in the back of the sled. "What's this about geese?"

"Nothing, Olaf, go back to sleep," Kristoff said. "This is nothing but…"

He stopped.

"Did you feel that?"

"Yeah, I did." Anna frowned.

The temperature had suddenly plummeted even further. And there was a certain feeling in the air. Of anger, of wrongness.

Kristoff stared at the ice suddenly making patterns across the lip of the sled. "The ice is angry."

"Huh?"

"It's a sign. The trolls told me. The ice gets angry when Jack shows up."

The back door opened, and three men in long dark coats stepped out of the Goblin, muttering among themselves. Anna frowned and adjusted the focus on the binoculars.

Below the coats, where the men's feet should have been, there were only thin gray clouds of icy mist.

Anna tightened her grip on the binoculars while slipping one hand into her pocket for the mirror. Kristoff clutched the sled reins. Olaf stirred in the back seat, saw what was going on and started to gasp before Kristoff clamped a hand over his mouth.

And then a trail of shiny black and blue ice began winding its way across the alleyway.

"Boss likes to make an entrance," one of the men muttered.

A high, cold – in the most literal sense – laugh came out of the shadows. "Good evening to you, gentlemen."

There he was. Jack Frost.

 **XXXX**


	5. A Sting Gets Stung

And we're back! Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter uploaded - it's been really crazy on the work front this spring, which in turn cut into my writing time.

 **XXXX**

 **Part the Fifth: A Sting Gets Stung**

Jack stood out like the proverbial sore thumb. He was clad in a shimmery ice-blue suit. (Made of real ice, of course.)

Anna raised the mirror to her lips. "He's here," she whispered.

"Watch him carefully," Elsa said.

The winter spirits had gathered closely around Jack.

"Boss, what's this about?" one of the spirits complained.

"Gentlemen, and I use the term loosely, I appreciate your assistance in reinforcing my reign of wintry terror in Arendelle," Jack said. "But I think it's time for a change."

"Boss, what are you doing? You're not firing us, are you?"

"Of course not, you dunderheaded fools. Simply put, I am changing the game," Jack said. "Turning random villagers into oversized ice cubes is getting a tad boring."

"But I like changing villagers into ice cubes," one of the spirits whined.

"You getting all this?" Anna mouthed to Kristoff.

"Yup."

Jack walked around in a circle, then spun to a stop. "I want all of Arendelle and the surrounding kingdoms to tremble before me, in good, old-fashioned fear and terror. People aren't so scared of winter anymore now that the Crown Attorney's on the scene. And it's her that I want to settle a score with most of all."

Anna and Kristoff looked at each other eagerly.

"So, what do you want to do, boss?"

"Get out into the surrounding villages and start unleashing those evil wind spirits we talked about, and the snow spirits. That should do for a starter," Jack said. "Oh, and one other thing."

He raised his voice. "Detective Anna and Sergeant Kristoff, present my compliments to the Crown Attorney, and tell her that I shall be seeing her shortly."

With that, he and the spirits disappeared in cackling puffs of wintry vapor. But a trail of ice that could only be Jack's zipped off toward the center of the village.

"Quick, get Sven back into harness!"

The reindeer had been dozing lightly behind the sled, so Anna and Kristoff could have a clear view of the alleyway.

"What's going on out there?" Elsa demanded through the mirror.

"He's getting away! We're going to try to follow him!" Kristoff shouted as he wrestled Sven back into harness.

The sled hurtled off through the village, making a horrible clattering noise all along the way.

Jack's icy trail zigged, and zagged, and zigged and zagged some more. And it was all Anna and Kristoff could do to keep him in sight.

The trail made a hard turn to the left and headed for the village center, and the sled gave pursuit.

But there was a slow-moving ox cart blocking the way.

"Move!" Kristoff shouted.

But the cart driver made no response. The cart continued its slow plodding, even as Kristoff yelled some more.

"We'll have to take the long way around," he said.

"I've got a better idea." Anna pulled a siren out of her bag and clipped it to Sven's harness. "Floor it, Sven!"

Sven bellowed and took off at an even faster run. People scattered left and right as the sled barreled through, siren blaring.

"That way!" Anna shouted.

The sled nearly turned on its side as it careened down an alley, sending crates and boxes flying everywhere.

At long last, they came to the spot where Jack's trail ended, right in the town square.

But there was only "Ha, Ha, Ha," written in ice.

Kristoff groaned and slumped back against the seat, and Sven grunted and pawed the ground.

"Eugh, too much rocking and rolling," Olaf moaned. "I think I'm going to be…"

"Over the side, please, if you don't mind, Olaf," Anna said.

"Anna! What's going on?" Elsa shouted through the mirror. "Did you catch him?"

Anna grimly pursed her lips as she raised the mirror. "He got away, Elsa."


End file.
